journal

Our perfect people puppy is one month old today. If you need me I’ll just be here combing through photos of the last 30 days and blubbering about how soon he’ll be gone to college and not needing his momma anymore 😩 . . . . . . #onemonthold #bringingupbabychild #joyfulmamas #kindredmemories #ourtinymoments #stopdropandmom #letterboard #motherhoodrising #motherhoodunplugged #mommingainteasy #nestingly #letthembelittle #littlefierceones #watchthemgrow
Since long before Milo was ever a reality, I longed for the chance to nourish my child from my own body. I’ve lusted after beautiful images of fertile goddesses with their little ones at the breast and fantasized about going to battle with any sorry soul who tried to cross me for feeding my child in public. . . Turns out, little man had other plans for us. Between his big boy appetite, our hospital stint for his jaundice, and my unreliable supply we have found ourselves in an endless spiral of feeding and pumping and supplementing and formula and lactation consultants and frustration for us both. . . I’ve spent endless hours resenting my new body - not for the saggy skin or stretch marks or thicker bits or battle hardened vagina - but for my breasts seemingly unable to keep up with the demands of feeding my child. I’ve felt the dream of becoming a breastfeeding warrior slip away, and have had to constantly remind myself (and reach out to some other amazing mamas to be reminded) that breast is not best - fed is best. . . We haven’t given up just yet, but if we do that will be fine too. By breast or by bottle, it’s an honour to feed this little dude and watch him grow. Sure, I’ll be disappointed to let go of the dream of whipping out a boob to Milo’s content and watching old white men around us squirm, but I’ll be over the moon to look in his eyes when he thanks me for nourishing him by whatever means necessary. . . . . . . #bringingupbabychild #myhonestmotherhood #motherhoodunplugged #breastfeedingmom #fedisbest #motherhoodrising #kindredmemories #ourtinymoments #motherhoodsimplified #joyfulmamas #mamabear #thisismotherhood #motherhoodintheraw #stopdropandmom #breastfeedingmoms
Let me preface this by saying that I love my son. I love him so much that sometimes I physically ache just looking at his sweet face and remembering that he is mine, and we created him in the deepest love. . . But there is nothing that can prepare you for how hard this really is. No class that can tell you the depth of pain you will feel when your child is wailing and you haven’t figured each other out enough yet to know how to help him. No book to tell you the frustration you will feel when the thought of feeding him makes your toes curl because you know the agony it will cause your body, or the guilt you will feel when he can’t be satiated by your milk alone. Nobody tells you that you will weep uncontrollably over him as he cries, begging him to explain to you what he needs or to stop for just a moment so you can take a breath and collect yourself. . . Sure, mothers will advise you (solicited or otherwise) during your pregnancy - “you have no idea” and “just you wait” are common, albeit useless sentiments. It’s not until you’re thrown into the deep end with your hands tied behind your back and forced to keep your head above water that you can really start to understand. . . This motherhood journey is the most intense thing I have ever done and will ever do. It has broken me down and started to build me back up into the new version of myself I need to be for him. My paradigms are shifting in his wake with every new day and ever new challenge, but I go to bed every night with a new gift - a sweet smile or a squeeze finger - that remind me why I’m doing this. . . To all you mamas out there doing this alongside me, or who paved the way before us to show us that the hard days do get better, I salute you all! I salute your courage and your tears and your sore nipples. I send you all of my love because god knows, we all need it. . . Photo by @meganedelmanphotography . . . . #motherhoodunplugged #motherhoodrising #joyfulmamas #myhonestmotherhood #honestlymothering #takebackpostpartum #motherhoodintheraw #mamatried #mamatribe #thebeeandthefox #fourthtrimester #bringingupbabychild #mamabear #ourtinymoments #kindredmemories #letthembelittle #littlefierceones
On Sunday this perfect creature turned two weeks old, and I immediately felt guilty. . . I felt guilt over not having perfectly documented his every moment - for not filling in his baby book daily or taking perfectly styled letter board photos every time he reaches another milestone. . . But what have I been doing instead? I’ve been getting to know this new soul we created. I’ve been falling harder in love with his dad with every diaper change chat between them. I’ve been settling into our new life as a family of three and learning the quirks of this tiny personality. . . And now I’m in bed, nursing a cold, trying to prevent little man from catching it and feeding him every 20 minutes (seriously I swear I can see him growing). So maybe I’ll start documenting all this stuff soon. Or maybe I’ll just keep living it and documenting it on my heart. We’ll see 🤷🏼‍♀️ . . . . . . . #joyfulmamas #myhonestmotherhood #motherhoodunplugged #motherhoodrising #motherhoodsimplified #igmotherhood #mamabear #kindredmemories #littlefierceones #ourtinymoments #bringingupbabychild #sneezingbaby #imperfectmom #newmomlife
Today is our little Smile-o man’s due date! It’s hard to believe that the past 12 days we’ve spent getting to know one another, he wasn’t even “supposed” to be earthside with us. It’s harder to believe that this is the day we’ve been counting down to for 40 long weeks, but it seems like only the blink of an eye has passed since we found out he was on board and coming to join our family. . . Life with this new little human is no joke. I would be lying if I said every moment of his life has been beautiful. There have been moments of crushing sadness, and hours of tears. I have questioned my ability to be his mom and my ability to keep my feet on the ground through it all. . . But somehow I can’t imagine life any other way. As hard as it’s been, and as hard as I know it will be, I know we are meant to be together, Miloman. And I’m so glad we got ourselves a little 12 day head start 💕 . . . . . #bringingupbabychild #joyfulmamas #myhonestmotherhood #motherhoodunplugged #motherhoodrising #mamabear #duedate #ourtinymoments #nestingly #kindredmemories #myunicornlife #momblogger #bloggerstyle #littlefierceones #thisismotherhood #stopdropandmom
Last night (after a particularly emotional day) we slept in bed instead of on the couch, Smile-o slept one 4 hour and one 3 hour stretch, and I managed to nurse him twice with no tears and only marginally sore nipples. I’m calling night #11 a huge win. . . . . . . #bringingupbabychild #motherhoodunplugged #motherhoodrising #myhonestmotherhood #letthembelittle #kindredmemories #ourtinymoments #nestingly #joyfulmamas #thisismotherhood #stopdropandmom #momblogger #thepursuitofjoy
Sweet babychild, becoming your mom has been my greatest challenge and my proudest accomplishment so far. Your one week on this earth has taught me the depth of strength I possess that just last week I could never have dreamed of. . Watching you experience your little world has lifted me up, and seeing you hurt has shattered me into a million pieces. The pressure I’ve felt on my body to keep you fed and the sense of failure when I just couldn’t keep up have been debilitating. . But I am sure I have never loved as hard or felt as deeply as I have since I met you. My world shifted course and now I forget what life was ever like before you. I can’t wait to take on the rest of this Earth visit with you, my little cub. Let’s be best friends forever. . . . . #bringingupbabychild #kindredmemories #motherhoodunplugged #motherhoodrising #myhonestmotherhood #ourtinymoments #nestingly #momblogger #thisismotherhood #watchthemgrow #littlefierceones
So here’s what babychild and I have been up to this week! . . Mr. Milo Alexander Morrison graced us with his presence on sunny Sunday morning after a wild and beautiful weekend of labouring in the comfort of our own home. He came almost 2 full weeks early, and still weighed a solid 9lbs. And he is perfect. We are so in love we can hardly stand it. Life has truly never felt so full. . . I know everyone says you can’t fully understand the depth of feeling you gain when you bring a little life in the world, but is it ever true. I have felt every highest high and lowest low in the past 4 days. From the absolute euphoria of bringing Milo into the world in our home, assisted by the most beautiful team of women, to the complete heartbreak of spending his 4th day and night in the hospital while he baked under the lights, trying to grapple with feelings of helplessness and failure as his mom. . . Little Milo bean, I love you more than you will ever be able to comprehend. I will feel everything you feel, and put my whole being into the line of fire to protect you until my time on this planet ends. Because you, my beautiful son, have become the centre of my universe in an instant. . . . . . . #bringingupbabychild #ohheybabymilo #joyfulmotherhood #myhonestmotherhood #honestlymothering #motherhoodunplugged #motherhoodunited #welcomebaby #littlearies #nestingly #thisismotherhood #kindredmemories #motherhoodintheraw
Count them, 10 sweet heirloom diamonds all peppered with some fun accent stones. All from different families, and all finding homes on different fingers. . . These custom pieces bringing new life to grandma’s jewels will forever be my favourite thing. If you’ve got some pieces you’d like to see reborn, start daydreaming them up now! Because I’ll be back at it in a few months, and chomping at the bit to get more of these on the bench 💕 . . . . . . . #heirloomdiamond #heirloomjewelry #handmadejewelry #jewelrydesigners #jotd #makermom #mompreneur #momboss #canadiandesigner #madeincanada #canadianmade #igjewelry #springaccessories #springfashion #customjewelry #customjewelrydesign
Remember November when I was just flirting with being halfway pregnant, my belly was teenie tiny and the thought of babychild actually being in our arms was just a far off figment of our imagination? . . Now I’m pushing the very end of this ride, and even though I am incredibly aware that there is a human residing inside of me, I still have moments when my brain has trouble connecting the dots. It’s hard to really fathom that by this time next month there will be another person living in our house. A person whom we have yet to meet but we already know will be our favourite human of all time. By then this little creature that’s been chillin’ on my bladder and playing with my emotions will have a name, a developing personality, and a face that will be pressed indelibly onto our hearts. Who ARE you, babychild? We are dying to know. . . It’s kind of crazy, isn’t it? . . . . . . #joyfulmamas #myhonestmotherhood #motherhoodrising #motheehoodunplugged #nestingly #38weekspregnant #pregnancythrowback #bringingupbabychild #stylishbump #thebump #inspirepregnancy #ourtinymoments #myunicornlife #thisismotherhood #bloggermom #makermom #mompreneur #momboss #mamabear